Guilty Pleasures

301-400

334 $1 Chinesefood. It's everywhere.

335 American Heritage has been around for five years, where you can buy old Coke machines, gas pumps, craps tables or a stock car body. 110 1 / 2 S. Glassell St., Orange, (714) 289-2241.

336 "Smilin' Sam from Alabam-the Salted Peanut Man," a vending machine at American Heritage that looks like Satan.

337 The most elegant commentary on the present state of American labor is to be found outside American Heritage. There, you'll find a giant fiberglass statue of an anthropomorphic French-fry man holding a sign that reads, "Buy American" while eating a French fry.

338 Billy Zoomlives here.

339 Gwen Stefanilives here.

340 Dexter Hollandlives here.

341 Mike McGrathlives here.

342 Mike Nesslives here.

343 Jeweldoesn't.

344 BuzzAldrin lives here.

345 You know, he was on the moon.

346 Really.

347 Dick Nixon's body lives here.

348 Will Ferrellused to live here.

349 Steve Martinused to live here.

350 Suzanna Hoffsused to live here.

351 Kevin Costnerdoesn't live here anymore.

352 French deconstructionist Jacques Derrida lives here.

353 Well, actually, he only lives here halfthe year.

354 Which is to say, half the year he does not live in Orange County.

355 Then again, what do we mean when we say "live"?

356 And while we are "alive," do we "live," which is to say by the mere fact of being alive is one living . . . wait, that's what we said before. We're sorry.

357 Though, by saying "sorry," what are we really saying? I mean is anyone reallysorry?

358 Tiger Woodsused to live here.

359 Todd Marinovichused to live here.

360 A bunch of very talented scientists, mostly at UCI, working for the benefit of mankind live here.

361 We have no idea who they are, but way to work for mankind, guys!

362 The sensuous curves of the Ali Baba Motel. 2250 Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 645-7700.

363 Nickel Nickel 5 Cents Arcade: for a $1.95 entry fee you can play myriad pinball, video and air hockey games, none costing more than four nickels! 7454 Edinger Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 847-2191.

364 Remembering how much money you poured into games like Centipede, Asteroids, Berzerk, Robotron and Frogger while you play them for free-FREE!-at Nickel Nickel.

365 Watching Mr. Hankyjump out of the toilet tank while playing South Park pinball at Nickel Nickel.

366 The Capistrano Death Ray.

367 The man-throttling-poultry shirts worn by the staff at Spanky's, adult-toys purveyors.

368 The steaming, delicious goothat pours out of the steaming pie at La Palma Chicken Pie Shop.

369 The rich are very different from you and me. When his car hits three years, a rich guy dumps it. Result: I pick up a near-new BMWfor something like the price of a Yugo at Cove Motoring. 1666 Superior Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 650-5915.

370 The stained-glass windows showing Masonicsymbols on the corner of the Masonic Temple in Orange. 71 Plaza Square, Orange, (714) 538-1443.

371 The Orange County Record Swap at the Sequoia Athletic Club on the last Sunday of each month. 7530 Orangethorpe Ave., Buena Park, (714) 739-4141.

372 Free teaat Williams-Sonoma inside South Coast Plaza. 3333 Bristol St., Ste. 2630, Costa Mesa, (714) 751-1166.

373 "What a shame. We have a president who has lied, cheated, committed perjury, corrupted the Justice Department, etc., etc. We have a vice president who shakes down Buddhist nuns for money, claims to have invented the Internet and is determined to shut down U.S. businessess in order to save some trees. Contrast that with Dan Quayle, who mispelled potato. The mean-spirited (liberal) press chose to destroy a decent politician's career over nonsense, hounding him over a silly, inconsequential mistake." Letter to the Register, Oct. 1, 1999.

374 You can get any kind of paperin the world at Xpedx Paper & Graphics, a Costco-sized warehouse of paper. 1630 S. State College Blvd., Anaheim, (714) 978-1619.

375 "It is the liberals who encourage schoolchildren to accept homosexuality as an honorable lifestyle, pass out condoms to them, make available pornography and other perverted material, insist on government-paid abortions, and all the other multiple evils our country has been cursed with in the 40 years of liberal Democratic power. God help the United States of America if Bill Clinton manages to win the election." Letter to the Register, May 2, 1996.

376 The Teahouse at Los Rios will clean out your wallet, but the scones are oh so worth the pain. 31731 Los Rios St., San Juan Capistrano, (949) 443-3914.

377 You've got a Honda,but you think it's a Ferrari. Don't get reamed at the dealer for a new fender. Try Honda Independent Auto Dismantling. 11751 Westminster Blvd., Garden Grove, (714) 554-7657; www.h-auto.com.

378 The fish tacos at Wahoo's.

379 The fish tacos at Frescas.

380 The fish tacos at Rubios.

381 The fish tacosat Taco Mesa.

382 Unlike the fabulous, dusty chaos of some of your finest hobby stores, there's something very button-down efficient about Brookhurst Hobbies, home of the newest kits and even foreign hobby mags. 12188 Brookhurst St., Garden Grove, (714) 636-3580; www.brookhursthobbies.com.

383 If the Olde Shipstrikes you as a veddy British pub, that's probably because it is-not in the hauled-here-and-rebuilt-for-desert-yahoos way of a London Bridge, say, but in the very understated way an English navy expat might produce. Friendly and woody, old naval prints on the walls, serves excellent Newcastle on tap and very solid bangers and mash at the table. 709 N. Harbor Blvd., Fullerton, (714) 871-7447.

384 Trader Joe's at the Mall of Orange, 2114 N. Tustin Ave., Orange, (714) 283-5697.

385 Eric Stefani's abs.

386 The JustFaithprogram at Sts. Simon and Jude-a Huntington Beach Catholic church so terrific it needed two saints. JustFaith emphasizes the centrality in Christian theology of doing what Jesus said to do (like "Give everything you have to the poor and follow me") rather than trying to work up convenient explanations for what he might have meant by what he said (like maybe, "Keep everything you have, but think good thoughts about the poor because, you know, basically God likes them, too"). 20444 Magnolia St., Huntington Beach, (714) 962-3333.

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