By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
424 The massive chili cheeseburger at Eddie's Galley. 829 Harbor Island Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 673-4110.
425 It's notthe Inland Empire.
426 The Red Fox Lounge. It is because of this fine establishment that I now know the difference between a lounge and a tavern: velvet walls. Aaaw, yeah. 220 El Camino Real, San Clemente, (949) 492-3403.
427 Big Helen's Tavern. You can get as smashed as you want and no one looks down on you. They're too busy eating breakfast. 3317 S. El Camino Real, San Clemente, (949) 498-6280.
428 Shiny, happypeople.
429 Steven Kooshian, the extremely warm-hearted and competent doctor popular in the gay community.
430 Pedro's Tacos, where you'll find the best, cheapestbean-and-cheese burrito ever. Really. 550 N. El Camino Real, San Clemente, (949) 498-5908.
431 Leaving the house dressed like a hookerin your chonies and a feathered boa, and you're just clubbin'.
432 Remember the good old days when you could tune in to C-SPAN at 2 in the morning and see Congressman Bob Dornan, all alone on the House floor, ranting about electric Communistsor whatever bugaboo had him worked up that week? That era is gone, alas, but you can recapture some small portion of that heady feeling by tuning into Sideshow Bob's radio show online at 126.96.36.199/TRN/index.php3.
433 DittoJim Silva.
434 More gas-guzzlin' Chevys than Bakersfield or Hemet; ours are just souped-up with spiffy flames and stuff.
435 Two words: hot grandmoms. You ever seen so many really hot grandmothers?
436 The Crystal Cathedral. Overlook for a moment the moneychangers that the Reverend Robert Schuller welcomes to his temple, whether it's to sell meaningless trinkets or to pitch capitalistic snake-oil testimonies (last year, Wyland painted sea animals on a canvas in the pulpit during a service; reprints-they ought to call them The Whaling Wall-are now on sale, too). All of this-and further, unspeakable horrors-may have blinded you to the physical grace of the weblike cathedral itself, a real masterpiece of inspired Philip Johnson architecture. 12141 Lewis St., Garden Grove, (714) 971-4000.
437 The only In-N-Outthat doesn't have a drive-through window. 825 W. Chapman, Placentia.
438 Paul, the Kingof Big Screens. 500 N. Harbor Blvd., La Habra, (562) 697-6751.
439 KingArthur's Pub. 7821 Westminster Blvd., Westminster, (714) 895-9143.
440 KingBadge & Button Co. 17792 Metzler Lane, Unit A, Huntington Beach, (714) 847-3060.
441 KingEgg Roll. 305 E. Fourth St., Ste. 17, Santa Ana, (714) 547-4938.
442 KingGhengis Khan Barbecue Buffet House. 4498 Lincoln Ave., Cypress, (714) 952-9766.
443 Kingof Beepers. 1707 W. Chapman, Orange, (714) 978-7000.
444 QueenVideo. 8869 Westminster Ave., Garden Grove, (714) 892-6112.
445 Queen'sDonuts & Cakes. 2413 S. Fairview, Santa Ana, (714) 540-8791.
446 DukeBlower Rentals. 121 Cypress Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 543-5139.
447 DukeForms & Printing. 30100 Towne Center Dr., Laguna Niguel, (949) 499-3336.
448 The mohawked, leathered-up urchins who go to the punk shows at Chain Reaction. 1652 W. Lincoln Ave., Anaheim, (714) 635-6067.
449 The big, swirly outer-space muralpainted on the ceiling of Koo's Art Cafe. 1N. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 648-0937.
450 The graffitiwall at Koo's Art Cafe.
451 The Reagan Years in Fullerton, a video arcade full of vintage '80s games like Pac-Man, Burgertime, Tron, Centipede, Robotron and Dig Dug. But what really makes this place kitschy/cool are all the posters on the walls: Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls, Thompson Twins and just about every other musical turd from the era that you can recall, plus Jon and Ponch from CHiPs and Mr. T. Also, they mint their own tokens, complete with an image of Ronnie on each. 124 E. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-2233.
452 The shopper gargoylesperched atop the Brea Mall parking garage.
453 The atmosphere inside Angelo's & Vinci's Italian restaurant, which can best be described as "Roman Mardi Gras." 550 N. Harbor Blvd., Fullerton, (714) 879-4022.
454 The men's restrooms at Estancia Park in Costa Mesa. A great place to meet cops.
455 Reigning supreme.
456 Walter Johnson grew up here.
457 Walter Johnson pitched here.
458 Eggnogat Colima Mexican Restaurant. 130 N. Fairview, Stes. A-C, Santa Ana, (714) 836-1254.
459 Tattooed freaks look like everybody else.
460 You don't know who Walter Johnson is, do you?
461 No, he's not the guy in Steely Dan.
462 The glass casethat holds the film projector at Captain Blood's Village Theater. 1140 N. Tustin Ave., Orange, (714) 538-3545.
463 The Star Warsmurals at Captain Blood's.
464 Walter Johnson is a Hall of Fame pitcher, considered by many the greatest pitcher in the history of the game.
465 You don't care, do you?
466 That's why we don't have a sports section anymore.
467 All of our car chases end in violentshootouts.
468 And stop asking us who Steely Dan is.
470 The closed Port Theater's imitation of Miss Havisham.
471 You know, because it still has "Rosebud" on its marquee.
472 You know, because Miss Havisham never got rid of her wedding cake after she was left at the altar.
473 You know, from Great Expectations.
474 Yeah, yeah, it was a bookbefore the movie.
476 Another thing that isn't here anymore: Jungle Island, a big, fun, free place for kids to run amok, which is now a paved-over lake on the Independence Hall side of Knott's Berry Farm.
477 The theme of the 2000 Orange County Fair: "Hot! Hot! Hot! We're Spicin' It Up," a salute to the pepper industry. All they have to do is book Air Supply again, man, and we're there.
478 The fallen, crumbled Davidstatue's humongous marble ass at Cal State Fullerton. If you want a piece of thisass, you'll have to chip it off with a chisel.
479 The jukeboxes at OC's five Fatburgerlocations. Who could resist the not-so-subtle sexual connotations of listening to Dinah Washington's "Big Long Slidin' Thing" while stuffing a chili dog down your throat? Locations in Aliso Viejo, Buena Park, Irvine, Orange and San Clemente.