Guilty Pleasures

901-1000

901 I'm a wild pig.

902 Gwen Stefani's wild pinkhair.

903 (Does the carpetmatch the drapes? Heh, heh, heh.)

904 Breakfast at the aptly named Alice's Breakfast in the Park in Huntington Beach's Central Park. 662 Lakeview Dr., Huntington Beach, (714) 848-0690.

905 The restaurant is adjacent to the park lake so you can eat while watching the ducks.

906 It's the little things.

907 Speaking of which, the Garden Grove Recreation Department offers not only the usual kid activities but also calligraphy and a course in etiquette.

908 Rather.

909 The Apollo Bookstore offers a hefty selection of used books for kids 2 and up. 1670 Westminster Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7045.

910 Ditto CamelotBooks. 12873 Harbor Blvd., Garden Grove, (714) 539-7550; 18838 Brookhurst St., Fountain Valley, (714) 963-3122.

911 Ditto Whale of a Tale Children's Bookstore. 4199 Campus Dr., Irvine, (949) 854-8288.

912 Ditto Book Baron. 1236 S. Magnolia Ave., Anaheim, (714) 527-7022; www.magbaron.com.

913 Ditto Brindles. 13721 Newport Ave., Tustin, (714) 731-5773.

914 "Homosexuals' only contribution as a group in society is the scourge of the worldwide spread of AIDS. The left-wing liberals and the homosexuals deserve each other." Letter to the Register, Nov. 22, 1995.

915 A spectacularview!

916 Butterscotch lifesaver at Venus. The bartender calls this the latest "shot for chicks": a half-shot of Malibu, a half-shot of butterscotch schnapps and a splash of pineapple juice. 11572 Beach Blvd., Stanton, (714) 898-9933.

917 Chicksrock.

918 Former Laguna Niguel City Councilman Eddie Rose's swinger wardrobe.

919 Boom Boom Room strippers. 1401 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-7588.

920 Former 71st Assemblyman Mickey Conroy's middle finger.

921 Free swagfrom local bands.

922 Chris Gaffney and the Cold Hard Facts singing about your loser brother and his kitchen for a farm at the Swallow's Inn.

923 OC finally has an ACLUbranch. 1670 Santa Ana Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 722-7542.

924 Harold Ezell is not living.

925 Here anymore.

926 The three brothers who run Wahoo's Fish Tacos-community-minded Wing, money-minded Mingo and Ed the real-estate wizard. What was it like playing Monopoly in that family?

927 An undeveloped Dana Point Headlands.

928 Edwards Cinemasaren't yet using their 200-plus local screens to show just one movie.

929 Local Building Industry Association lobbyistsget their way only 97 percent of the time.

930 Mushroomday (otherwise known as Thursday) at Nikki's Tandoori Express. Mix it together with your saffron rice and spicy chicken tikka, choke it down and grab all the napkins in sight 'cause, dude, all manner of snot's gonna be shooting out your nose. 3705 S. Bristol, Santa Ana, (714) 850-0595; 2031 E. First St., Santa Ana, (714) 542-2969; 21455 Laguna Hills Mall, Ste. 2360, Laguna Hills, (714) 586-0633.

932 Views near any local water-polo team.

933 We'd been looking all over for a place to get tube ampsrepaired by a member of a seminal LA punk-roots-rock band and we've finally found one: Billy Zoom Music. 760 N. Main St., Orange, (714) 639-2200.

934 Todd Spitzer's hair.

935 Forty-four psychicconsultants listed in the Yellow Pages, but Bob Dornan still thinks he'll win an election again.

936 Any seafood dish at Sage Restaurant. 2531 Eastbluff Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 718-9650.

937 Los Amigos chairman Amin David's dignity.

938 Proof that an Orange Countian can be famous for something other than dark politics, UCI's Aldrich Park is the expression of a former university chancellor's love of exotic flora. Mid-'60s planners figured the park would act as a kind of Prozac for agitated students.

939Upper Newport Bay, where three endangered species can be seen or heard on any given day.

940 Laptime Storytime for kids 18 months to 3 years old at the Huntington Beach Central Library. 7111 Talbert Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 842-4481. Tues., 10 & 11 a.m.; Sat., 10 a.m.

941 Bilingual Spanish/English Storytimefor 2- to 4-year-olds at the Oak View branch of the Huntington Beach Library. 17251 Oak Lane., Huntington Beach, (714) 375-5068. Fri., 10 a.m.

942Family Storytimeat the Huntington Beach Central Library. Sun., 2 p.m.

943 Family Evening Storytimeat the Huntington Beach Central Library. Second Thursday of each month, 7 p.m.

944 Any male sales clerk at Toes on the Nose surf shop. 903 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 497-3297.

945 OCN's Leslie Leyton.

946 Blowhard Republican Jack Kemp doesn't live here.

947 His brotherdoes.

948 Drinks stifferthan District Attorney Anthony J. Rackaukas at a press conference poured by old guys with shaky hands at Newport Beach bars the Alley and Snug Harbor. The Alley, 4501 W. Coast Hwy., (949) 646-9126; Snug Harbor, 517 30th St., (949) 673-3170.

949 (949).

950 State Insurance Commissioner Chuck Quackenbushrarely visits here.

951 Irvine: an entire city, and no Elvisin sight.

952 La Cave: richly appointed and dimly lit, this noir-ish Costa Mesa restaurant and bar is actually underground! There are no windows and no doors! Okay, fine, there are doors. But rumor has it that the Rat Pack used to hang out here! Who knew the Rat Pack even used to come here? Maybe they mean the Brat Pack. . . . 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944.

953 Barbieposting sexy pictures of herself out partying on www.coolgrrrls.com's "o.c.@nite" page.

954 Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the best alternative to sitting through a county supervisors' meeting.

955 Buffy has just as many vampires and is just as informative.

956 Newport Beach Central Library, whose reference department is a dream come true for newspaper fact-checkers, copyeditors and-especially-investigative reporters in OC. 1000 Avocado Ave., Newport Beach, (949) 717-3800.

957 Cheddar!

958 Eucalyptus!

959 No koalas!

960 If the annual, sprawling extravaganza that is the Action Sports Retail convention-surf, skate and snowboard clothing, equipment and accessories-could be placed into an arena-sized accelerator and shot into space at something approaching the speed of light, its density would so increase that, when it returned to earth, it would look approximately like Tilly'sstores.

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