Guilty Pleasures

1001-1100

1001 C'mon, knowing you like it.

1002 Oh, yes, knowing very much that you do.

1003 Noshing large pickleson Tom Sawyer's Island.

1004 It seeming that pickles were larger when we were kids.

1005 And it seeming that time moved slower.

1006 And that tomatoes actually tasted like tomatoes.

1007 Digressing. Krispy Kreme.

1008 Wandering into one of the Tom Sawyer's Island caves as a way to kill some time or get out of the heat and remembering when you used to go in there convinced that a maniac was going to jump out and kill you from behind.

1009 Stealing a few glances behind you.

1010 At your age, still getting into arguments with friends, family and spouses about which line on either side of the Matterhornride moves faster.

1011 Stating unequivocally that it's the Alice in Wonderland side.

1012 Getting that look of astonishment.

1013 Being called an idiot.

1014 "Hurry baaaack. Don't forget to bring your death certificate."

1015 Betting on which one of the three ghostswill appear in your car at the end of the Haunted Mansion ride.

1016 Finding out which one you got by gazing in the mirror and then picking that ghost's nose.

1017 Short line at the Dumboride.

1018 Loading up on quality, E-ticket-type rides while the suckers sit on the curb waiting for the Electric Light Parade that ain't coming.

1019 The fact that a large part of our readers have no knowledge of E-tickets.

1020 It's a Small World on a very hot day.

1021 Leaving the kids with Grammy and Grampy while you and the husband hop the monorail over to the Disneyland Hotel for a couple of pops.

1022 I'm talking about cocktails.

1023 Sick sex double-entendres.

1024 Flashersat Splash Mountain.

1025 The knowledge that, at $39 per ticket, there's no such thing as a CHEAP Disney joke.

1026 The best-laid plans of the Mouseketeerswho created a Web site (members.aol.com/alweho) that called for the then-president of Disneyland, Paul Pressler, to be kicked upstairs so he would stop screwing up the Anaheim theme park. They got their wish:Pressler was indeed promoted.

1027 But he now oversees all Disney theme parks and resorts around the world, including Disneyland.

1028 The guy who drives the parking tram at Disneyland while singing: "When you wish/Upon a star/Someday you may/find your car . . ."

1029 Not being sure whether that is charmingor annoying.

1030 Realizing it's annoying.

1031 The part in the Golden Horseshoe Revue where the guy spits out his teeth.

1032 Speaking of our favorite Anaheim theme park owned by an omnipotent multinational conglomerate that has managed to weasel its wicked way into the lives of our children, our children's children and their children's children's children, we'd like to admit that one of our guilty pleasures involves reading one Orange County author's consistent dishing on the Magic Kingdom. Aliso Viejo's David Koenig, who penned 1994's Mouse Tales: A Behind-the-Ears Look at Disneyland, recently unveiled More Mouse Tales: A Closer Peek Backstage at Disneyland.

1033 The great thing about Koenig's books is he's got something for everyone: those who love the park, those who loathe it and all you freaks in between. For instance, his new book not only details the kind of behind-the-scenes secrets that give Disneyphiles permanent woodies (just like Pinnochio!) but also contains a grim, fact-filled account of Christmas Eve 1998's Columbia Sailing Ship mishap. Bonaventure Press, P.O. Box 51961, Irvine Ave., Irvine, CA 92619-1961. $24.95.

1034 The sensitive, mostly Caucasianportrayals of children worldwide on It's a Small World.

1035 Gay Day at Disneyland-not that every day isn't.

1036 Noting with interest the double 13sin Disneyland's street address.

1037 Riding a bike on the streets of Santa Ana amidst the screech of parakeets and cockatiels, the horns and bells of the food vendors, the sound of music played unapologetically loud, children playing, and people living life with the intensitycranked up full-blast. (Reader Wayne Valin)

1038 The key lime pieat Rafi's Café. 425 El Camino Real, Tustin, (714) 505-4071.

1039 Eric Masske. If you've been to the Hootenanny, you've seen his portfolio. He's well known among rockabillies for his classic designs with bold lines and colors. His specialty is pin ups and your general flaming dice, hot rods and horseshoes. If you're going this route, get it from the best. Classic Tattoo, 521 N. Harbor Rd., Fullerton, (714) 870-0805.

1040 The E-Bike, which was conceived by Lee Iacocca and manufactured by EV Global Motors, is a bicycle that offers electric power on demand and numerous "car-like" features such as cruise control, suspension, disc brakes, fuel gauge, headlights and loads of options. The bikes start at $1,500, and you can give them a test ride at Land Rover Centre. 1540 Jamboree Rd., Newport Beach, (949) 640-6445; 28662 Marguerite Pkwy., Mission Viejo, (949) 365-8750.

1041 The Seal Beach Trailer Park (est. 1930) ain't your average trailer park. No half-naked perps being chased down by cops on "real-life" TV shows or twisters ripping up the living rooms. In this trailer park, "trailer" is a euphemism, a rhetorical device describing what you and I might call a "trailer" attached to what you and I would certainly call a "mansion." The mansions here are called "cabanas" and, under the rules governing the Seal Beach Trailer Park, they are legit so long as they are attached directly to a trailer. The result is that, over time, some of the trailers have been swallowed by their swelling cabanas. In one, a two-story southwestern cottage with brown adobe plaster and a terrace overlooking the bay, the trailer is the living room. In another, a five-bedroom home of pink stucco, the cabana has completely digested its trailer-or maybe it's the garage now. All these homes are rent-controlled; people pay a minimal monthly fee for their lots and the privilege of living a few hundred yards from the ocean. In a trailer.

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