Grand RoyaleBuzz at the BeachEvery Thursday

Photo by Jeanne Rice10:32 p.m. Back to Buzz at the Beach for what's purported to be the Thursday-night experience. But how can you have a club without strippers grinding away atop the bar?

11 p.m. DJ Priest, holistic guy and believer in aliens, is spinning to the light, early crowd. DJ Priest is always good for fun Top 40. He has Janet Jackson posters in his house. Cool.

11:04 p.m. Usual suspect DJ Danny Love is here with his cute roommate; they're preparing to take over the main dance floor. The cute roommate is wearing square horn-rimmed glasses that make him look really smart. I'm a sucker for smart.

11:27 p.m. A belly dancer shimmies on a platform in a corner of the dance floor. There is no light on her, and she's not playing to the menfolk by shaking her maracas but remains elegant. Dig it!

11:31 p.m. Smoking-patio celebs include promoter locoScott Tucker, who's full of wrath at many people and inanimate objects; the OC Weekly is in the house with Rudi King and Jeremy Zachary representing separately. King is lit, but he's not as lit up as he was at Club Rubber.

Midnight. People are dressed down tonight, except for a guy in a suit that's practically mirrored like Chris Isaak's. For everyone else, it's beach-casual. The ladies aren't demonstratin' too hard. That's nice! Apparently Ambiguous Clothing, which is hosting tonight (not that hosting these days actually includes food or drink—pah!), is laid-back. I guess. Actually, I don't even see a banner.

1:02 a.m. Women's room drama! We all giggle like geisha girls when a big handsome man steps into the women's room upstairs by the pool table. We stop giggling when we realize he's going to take cuts in line: the men's line is too long, but our line apparently don't mean a thing if you've got something that swings. Someone asks him to please be sure not to pee on the seat. Someone else points out that the first someone shouldn't be sitting on the seat anyway. A third someone comes in and, seeing a man, shrieks and walks out, as offended as Dr. Laura faced with a skateboard mag. Not that I'm calling the third someone hypocritical Dr. Laura. It's just an analogy.

1:31 p.m. After many hours of flirting and playing really lousy games of pool with someone (late-filed reports had someone actually falling on the table; okay, it was me), someone leaves with another girl. Apparently, they're just friends. I now hate this place, even though the curved bar is so cool, and everyone's dressed casually, and the drinks were nice and strong, and the music was good. Humbug.

Grand Royale at Buzz at the Beach, 3450 Via Oporto, Newport Beach, (949) 673-4700. Thursdays, 9:30 p.m. $5. 21+.
 
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