You'll Laugh, You'll Cry, We'll Sue

Art by Bob AulThe Asian American Register received a letter on Aug. 5 from attorneys representing Freedom Communications that alleged the Fountain Valley-based newspaper's name infringes on Freedom's Orange County Register trademark. The letter from the law firm of Levine, Sullivan and Koch included "a demand . . . that the Asian American Register cease and desist immediately any and all use of the infringing trademark." For those experiencing difficulty keeping the two papers straight, the Asian American Register is a 25,000-circulation, six-month-old biweekly tabloid geared toward Asians throughout California. The Orange County Register is a 355,000-circulation, older-than-dirt metropolitan daily broadsheet geared toward toothless kooks and coupon clippers. "My office is next to the post office that's next to the Register [bureau] office," said AAR publisher Ernie Delfin. "I used to write for them. Some are my good friends. But this [letter] was from corporate." He says he didn't name his paper after Freedom's Santa Ana flagship. "I could have used a lot of names," Delfin said. "I just liked the 'R.'" He has no plans to change it now. "If I start to pay a lot of legal bills, then I'll cross that bridge. For now, it's business as usual, according to my lawyer."

SINGLED OUT? Truong Van Tran, whose posting in January of a Ho Chi Minh poster and Vietnamese flag in his video store caused Little Saigon to go apeshit with two months of daily protests outside his shop, was convicted of video piracy on Aug. 10. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail, 80 hours of community service, three years probation and a $200 fine. Tran reportedly claimed he was targeted for his politics since other Little Saigon video stores also counterfeit tapes. His attorneys, meanwhile, regarded their client's March arrest as a ploy by Westminster officials to end the street-clogging protests and resulting policing costs, which have been pegged at $750,000. Prosecutors maintained Tran was treated like any other lawbreaker. LUNATIC FRINGE While Buford O. Furrow Jr. was busy turning himself in to police the day after a horrific shooting rampage at the Jewish Community Center in Granada Hills, officials at similar facilities in Orange County on Aug. 11 sought to allay the fears of frightened parents and children. "I think it's a constant battle for society to confront individuals and groups that hate, but I also think we've seen tremendous progress in the last generations and shouldn't lose sight of that," Rabbi Michael Mayerson of Temple Beth David in Westminster told the Times. "There are always going to be some bad people, but most people are good and tolerant and decent." Jewish Federation of Orange County president Charles Karp told the Register. "We can't become prisoners. We can't let lunatics rule our lives." Speaking of lunatics—excuse me: alleged lunatics—many have wondered how the FBI and LAPD managed to home in on a suspect so quickly. Clockwork's deep, deep undercover source—so deep he doesn't even exist—explained that it's really quite simple. "We knew there was a good chance this was a hate crime," said, oh, let's call him Sergeant Stedenko. "So we punched into our computer the typical profile—white, male, mid-30s to 40s, resident of the Pacific Northwest, first name of Buford. Unless he's a southern sheriff who carries a big stick of wood, we've discovered, all Bufords should be automatic suspects. Lo and behold, badda-bing-badda-boom, the computer spat out our perp." DICK HEAD Anyone get a load of the bust of Richard Nixon unveiled Aug. 14 at the Richard Nixon Library, Birthplace and Historical Massage Center? One word: man, that's fucking scary! Nixon always had the sour puss. In those rare moments when the man grinned, you sensed physical pain. But this hunk of clay, with its disturbingly wide-open eyes, manically happy grin and fires-of-hell-ravaged skin, gives Clockwork major willies. Christ, it'd freak out G. Gordon Liddy! And he eats rats! What'd sculptor Robert Berks use for inspiration? The Blair Witch Project? Thanks for the nightmares, butt munch.
 
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