Commie Girl: The Decoy

Now, how do you make gay-bashing funny?

Sorry: how we let coverage of the AIDSWalk degenerate into talk of YAFers, we'll never know. It was supposed to degenerate into talk of Chris Rock. Music editor Rich Kanesaid after seeing Rock open for Terence Trent D'Arbythat he was homophobic and way unfunny. We've always thought he was classist and unfunny, in an unfortunate (or actually, very fortunate) "I got mine" kind of way. But Friday's show at the Irvine Improv found him to be neither—though we're wondering how he can possibly be warming up material for a July HBO special taping if he's talking about topics like the Columbine High School tragedy. Did we think it was funny when he yelled that two white high schoolers got on an elevator with him and he dived off, shouting, "You guys ain't killin' me!!!!"? Yes, we did. He was really, really funny. But the special won't even be shot till July; God knows when it will air. That topic will be about as cutting-edge as comics doing impeachment jokes—oh, wait, Rock did a bunch of those, too. In fact, he spent a really long time on Bill Clinton and pussy. But that segued into some great material on pussy and dick in general, and how women can refuse it because they're offered dick every day from the time they're 13, like this: "Can I get that for you? How 'bout some dick?" (Don't even get us started on how we're not offered any dick. It's a sore subject.) Of course, that led to some very funny material on gender relations that included excoriating all mommas whose kids can't read. "That is your fault," Rock intoned over and over. "Don't be blaming the schools. That is your fault if your kids can't read. It's daddy's fault when the kids can't read because the lights ain't on." Of course, this just brought out the tired, humorless feminist/socialist in us, who couldn't help shrieking (on the inside; we're not so crazy we have to scream it out loud in the middle of the Irvine Improv) that most kids who can't read have mommas who are busy keeping the lights on because daddy ain't nowhere to be found, or he's loaded, or he's crazy, or, hell, momma's loaded or crazy because everyone's so beat down trying to pay the rent and the daycare in a country that pays less real wages than any civilized country in the world. And guess what, Chris Rock? Most of us aren't millionaires with the means to support stay-at-home wives who have all day to teach the kids to read; we get home, make dinner, and—if we're lucky—put the kids to bed ourselves instead of having the baby sitter do it. Now, how do we make that funny?

Send humorless rants to Commie Girl at CommieGirl99@hotmail.com. On second thought, don't.
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