Scorecard

SPEAKING OF HEROESGene Sarazen died last week at the age of 97. Let's hope he'll find some peace in death, a peace he never found while alive. I never met the man, but I met more than a few people who claimed to have sparked up a doobie with him. "That Gene Sarazen," they'd say. "That guy could smoke some dope." And maybe he had to. His life was turbulent, of course: the arrests, the marriages, the one-night stands, the being played by Sal Mineo in the movie. Who among us would not have turned to huge amounts of ganja as Sarazen did? Who are we to judge Sarazen's drug-littered life? Who are we to . . . Oh, wait. Gene Sarazen? I was thinking of Gene Krupa, the drummer. Gene Sarazen was a great golfer. Sorry.

CROWD NOISE Overheard during the California Amateur Hockey Association Championships at the Escondido Ice Floe: Visitor (from San Francisco):When we got off the plane in Los Angeles, I thought it was all the same. Local: I'm sorry. Thought what was . . . ? Visitor: LA, San Diego—Go, Rep!—didn't realize there was this whole Orange County thing in between. Local: Yeah, they're a pretty fair hike apart. Visitor: Oh, crap. That's gonna hurt us. Local: I'm sorry. What's . . . ? Visitor: The penalty. It goes on and on and on. Local:Yeah, the penalties'll . . . Visitor: No, not the penalties—yeah, that too, but . . . this whole . . . this LA, San Diego, Orange County. Someone told me it's like this all the way into Mexico? All the same and everything? Houses? Crap! Local: Well, there are some differences. Like San Diego is . . . Visitor: Crap! What a crappy call, stripes!God, and the officiating is so shitty here! Who are these guys? And there's a girl! Look—a girl ref! God I hate this place! How do you live here? You suck, ref!