"Make the people slow and stupid with processed foods, fluoridated water and a ready supply of prescription drugs. Then reduce them to willing supermarket clerks, burger flippers and parking attendants."
The weekly newspaper The Onionoffers this tale of a married couple, formerly gay, who were brought back to life in Christ by the Orange County-based Reclamation Ministries. Laguna Hills residents Dennis and Diane Lindeman speak frankly about their former lives as willing participants in LA's gay-and-lesbian scene. "We live like God intended now," Diane says in the article. "We know that Jesus loves us for putting our homosexual ways behind us forever."
"While it is true that Dennis and Diane may still harbor homosexual desires deep within their hearts, this is all right because God forgives them for it," says Reclamation Ministries founder Reverend Henry Spottiswood. "The important thing to remember is that this is not about what Dennis and Diane want. It is about what God wants for Dennis and Diane. There is room enough for all in the closet of the Lord."
Answers to Part I: Actual Bob Dornan quotes: 2 & 5. Viva Bob quotes: 1, 3 & 4.
Answers to Part II: The Automobile Safety Foundation is, as far as I know, utterly serious. Read more about it on the Automobile Safety Foundation FAQ site (www.csclub.uwaterloo.ca/u/tjnye/slca.html). How to Run a Large Western Democracy also appears to mean every word. But such a great distance, they still settled their "church" in Orange County.
the Reclamation Ministries article is completely bogus-The Onion is a satirical newspaper published out of Wisconsin. Interesting that from