Things That Really, Really Scare Me

A campaign staffer for Orange County Supervisor Jim Silva phoned the Weekly the morning of Oct. 21 to invite us to a press conference that afternoon featuring Sheriff Brad Gates and Silva's Board of Supervisors colleague William Steiner. Faster than you can say, "Oh, dear God, you invited WHO?" we got a call back informing us the press conference was off because Gates couldn't attend. The next morning, the Register and Times OC ran stories about the press conference. Even clueless KOCE had footage of Gates decrying a campaign mailer distributed by Silva's opponent Dave Sullivan. Fortunately, the Weekly managed to fill the space we'd reserved for the press conference with our cover story "If He Only Had a Brain: Stupid is as Jim Silva does."

Pete Wilson's mouth Lil' Petey, who's gone to great lengths in his final days to ensure he'll be remembered as the meanest governor in California history, told a group of reporters on Oct. 22 that the lawyer who advised Indian tribes to put Proposition 5 on the ballot "ought to lose his scalp." The remark offended Native American leaders, particularly those who support the initiative that would expand Indian casino gambling in the Golden State. Clockwork obtained a copy of da gov's next speech, where he warns tribal leaders to keep firewater out of their casinos, quit spending big wampum on Prop. 5, and remove slot machines or face having their tepees burned and squaws raped.

The critter lobby The animal influence on state elections is getting out of hand (paw?). Ferrets Anonymous, the group that's pushing to get the little weasels legalized as pets in California, issued a voter guide that shows of the 276 candidates running for governor, lieutenant governor, attorney general, the Assembly and the state Senate, 187 didn't bother to answer whether they support the group. Meanwhile, as we grapple with whether to bother supporting Proposition 4, which would ban certain traps and poisons used in wildlife management, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has posted on its Web site "The Scariest Halloween Costumes Ever." They are: hunter, butcher, animal chainer, mad experimenter and "the dead-animal-wearing Joan Rivers." Hell, Rivers scares us even without the dead animal! Finally, Joe Camel held a press conference on the state capitol steps on Oct. 23 to disclose that Secretary of State Bill Jones has accepted thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from tobacco interests. Jones' campaign manager Rob Lapsley was on hand to deny the cartoon character's charges.